this is what my newest sweatshirts have on the front...still sarcastic as I can be!!! Everything has been tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sllllllloooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww that it has been driving me absolute nuts....What a junk summer we have been having...it's freezing again...we have only 1 or 2 days of sunshine, and then it's cold and rainy again...It killed my flowers that I planted outside...12 packages of flower seeds that I spent half the day planting them so carefully, and nothing...oh, but I seemed to have dropped a few seeds while I was doing that, and there are like 3 small flowers growing in the cracks along the front porch...My cruise was amazing...I had never been on one, so I was in awe about everything...loved every little detail of the inside passage here in Alaska...my most favourite has to be the town of Ketchikan...another whaling town, and just very beautiful and quaint...I've been feeling completely NAUSIATED because my in-laws are coming in just a few weeks here, and are staying nearly a month...I think that it's time for me to beg to be put back on VALIUM so that I can keep my sanity since I don't and never will do the family thing like ever....sorry but can't help how I feel about that since I've always been the rebel and loud mouth who's not afraid to throw my opinion out there when everyone else just wants to sit silent...

so I'm trying to plan it now for me to stay just as busy as I can so I don't have to deal with that as much as everyone thinks that I will just sit and tolerate complete hell...just not for me!!! I have no idea how else to explain it!!! I'll finally get to enjoy the train ride here in Alaska, that goes all across the state, and I"ll finally get to visit Denali Park which I"ve heard sooo much about....and finally my university courses will start again next month...(hoping those will save me from the torture...gagging sound...) and I graduate next year...or should graduate.....if not, then in the spring 2015...can't wait can't wait can't wait...cause I made an absolute vow to myself in stone, concrete, asphalt, writing, emails, and verbally when I was going off like I always do about something, that I would NEVER EVER work with such brats again that just graduated high school 2 or 3 years before, or that very same year...

I have never in my entire life had so much trouble in a work environment...these little 18-19 year olds think that they could go around and tell ME what to do, whenever they still lived with their parents, and were always trying every single possible moment to get a boyfriend....that or which one of their "friends" got arrested and all the details on that...I would put my water bottle down someplace...one of them would grab it and throw it back at me cause they didn't like where I put it...WTF was that about...we would always blow up at each other, and would stay on opposite sides of the room until they would finally leave since I was in authority above them...they would tell me where to sit, when to move, and it just burned me up, I grabbed everything that I had, got up and got as far away as I could from them, and then threw it all done and it made a huge thump like when you throw down about 2-3 suitcases....I think it mostly turned into silent fighting than verbally, but wow, I totally just SNAPPED, and when I was back home for all of 2011, I grabbed everything up again what I needed, went down to the branch of OSU down the street from me, enrolled that same day to continue my courses, and started the next week...

I had just completely had it, and that has never happened before, and it really takes a lot to push me that far, but I just can't take working with such uncontrollable brats like that....my kids acted way better and way more mature than they did...so I am never, ever going through that again, and definitely not working on base again, but this next time in a private school where they wear uniforms and actually have manners, and people won't talk to me that way cause I won't put up with it since I even surprised myself when I snapped like I did....I can finally finish my University courses and graduate up here in Alaska...not very many others can say that!!! also, where people actually have MANNERS....I still can't believe how mean people can be to each other in this day and age.....not just to other people, but also to animals...I can't watch those animal shows that they have on tv...the ones where they rescue all these abused animals and the conditions people leave them in....it's just sickening....the kids that I am involved with here, I am trying hardest to make each of them individual gifts.....

I hear all my art supplies calling me, since I could barely get in my art room door before without stepping on the huge pile of just "stuff" (NOT JUNK!!!)....so now after about a year and 3-4 months...(I lost count long ago so I don't even care anymore since it's taking me so long....) I can finally actually open my door all the way and see well some of my floor...now it's only 1 box that is left, and 3 more piles to suffer through...I really can't stand doing things like that...organizing, closet cleaning whatever...it's much easier to get it and shove it all in a closet and shut the door...problem solved...that is why all my closets are like that, but I always know where every single last item is, and can go straight to it....I'm completely stuffed with every imaginable thing that you can think of, but just can't stand to waste time going through stuff and organizing after moving around sooo much....still can't stand the moving part, can't get enough of traveling, but the annoying, rude people never seem to end....I'm craving London next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've pretty much had it with the attitudes over here and everything is turned around on me...not any stupid fights here since I've stayed away from the places that I've worked before, and don't need that ridiculous high school drama....I've heard it from others though, and sat through the whining and complaining and just couldn't help thinking how thankful I was that it wasn't me...I missed fireworks this year, we didn't have much of anything here...I think stuff off in other towns, but it was so chilly and rainy that day I wasn't much in the mood to put up with other people in bad weather....and now it's cold again...for the whole week it's going to do nothing but rain...we have only one more month of summer left, and then rain and cold temperatures for the next 9 months...

I'm really hurting for Seattle again....I haven't gotten to wear shorts in like 3 years, and pretty stappy shoes are just out of the question here...the things that I had to give up and miss too much now all to come here and live in Alaska, but it is all worth it to me....after being tortured severely in Japan (oh dear God help us all...) I am never going to be in 120 degree temps again....everyone else in the country is going through a severe heatwave, and I'm freezing and have my heat on, and am wearing sweatshirts everyday...and it's nearly the middle of July...only in Alaska, but I don't want to give it up...now I think I have to force myself to finally go to bed since it's 3am...also, I have no idea what I'm talking about this late/early in the morning..just whatever comes to mind that I want to rant on about here, but can't say anything publicly since everyone gets so offended anymore even if you cross the street wrong...5 months until Christmas and then this year is done with...I'm counting the days until I graduate.....sometimes I'm just too excited that I can't even sleep...